


And now he breathes no more

by Iwanttobejustme



Series: Please, remember to breathe [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Afghanistan, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Big Brother Mycroft Holmes, Brothers, Captain John Watson, Doctor John Watson, Emotional Mycroft Holmes, Established Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Guilt, Holmes Brothers, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, John Watson in Afghanistan, M/M, Male Slash, Mycroft Being a Good Brother, Mycroft Feels, Mycroft's Umbrella, Not Really Character Death, POV Mycroft Holmes, Protective Mycroft, Slash, Temporary Character Death, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 02:01:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21789673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwanttobejustme/pseuds/Iwanttobejustme
Summary: “John Watson’s death was my fault. According to Sherlock, it was I who pulled the trigger. Of course I actually didn’t, but I might as well have done it. For what it’s worth, I never regretted a single decision in my life more than that last one concerning John....I’ll never forget how I wasn’t able to utter a single sound because of my own shock. Frozen, incapable of doing anything, scared for the first time in a very long time....Doctor Watson breathed no more. And the fault was only mine."
Relationships: Mycroft Holmes & John Watson, Mycroft Holmes & Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock Holmes & John Watson, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Series: Please, remember to breathe [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/973494
Comments: 10
Kudos: 81





	And now he breathes no more

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT: you need to read [Please, remember to breathe](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13963842) for this to make any sense. This is a sort of prequel to it. While you are at it, you can also read [And John will cry buckets and buckets](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14034333), before or after this last third part. 
> 
> In this piece there may be some tiny discrepancies with the main story, but they are not too noticeable and I'll fix it. So, please, for the moment I ask you to just roll with it. Or if you prefer, maybe you can consider it like a sort of AU for this series, but I don't think it will be necessary.
> 
> For the setting: I am no good at writing descriptions of places. I imagined a luxurious room dimly lit, wooden walls, two high back armchairs facing each other and Mycroft sitting in one of them, talking about John disappearance. A classic confession setting in my opinion. But, you know, I like classic style.
> 
> This work is not beta’ed and English is not my first language. All mistakes are my own, all corrections are very welcome.  
> I do not own Sherlock (BBC, ACD, or else).

“John Watson’s death was my fault. According to Sherlock, it was I who pulled the trigger. Of course I actually didn’t, but I might as well have done it. For what it’s worth, I never regretted a single decision in my life more than the last ones concerning the fate of John.

Sherlock blamed me for years. With every word, every look he directed at me, every single action was custom-made to punish me. Even his being on drugs. How so? The drugs served a double purpose: they were meant for oblivion, but they were also meant to hurt me specifically. Because in doing so, Sherlock put right in front of me my failure. As a brother, by blood and by law. As a leader. As a human being. 

So yes, it was I who caused the fall of Doctor Watson. It was because of me that Sherlock had lost everything that he held dear in life. Because of my decision to send him abroad one last time, in a fairly dangerous operation that needed his skills specifically. 

You have to understand that Doctor John Watson was not a simple doctor. He was a soldier, a Capitan. He was the type of doctor that you will find in the middle of the battlefield, not in a medical tent. He and his team were the ones that were always on the frontlines. The ones that were always called for special black ops, too. But now he wanted back, he wanted to give Sherlock more stability and peace of mind. Sherlock knew perfectly well what John was capable of and the dangers he had to face every time he was sent abroad. Still, he never said a word about it and always supported his husband. 

That should have been his last assignment with MI6. All was going as planned, but of course it was this time that the operation had to go south: in between shootings and bombings, blood and screams, we lost the connection with all 5 members of the team, John included.

A week after the first body showed up. Mangled, barely recognizable.  
It was the kind of image that gives you nightmares for a very long time. 

After a couple of days, we found another one.  
More nightmares ensured. 

We searched and searched hoping that the remaining soldiers could still be alive somewhere and to be able to reach them in time. Dreading to find them already dead, but maybe... 

Photos of a third and a fourth body appeared.  
Neither of them were John. For me it was a mixture of sadness and relief: we lost our men, but there was a chance for John to be found. Still, we weren't able to locate their bodies.

Despite all our best efforts, we found nothing. And we all were frantically working, following every trace we could find, when the day came the last survivor had to die, too. I can assure you that it was the worst day of my life. I still can see the scene vividly when I close my eyes. The day in which a video was sent to us as we were all there to see John being executed on a screen in my office, painfully aware that we weren’t able to reach him, any of them, in time. That day Sherlock walked into my office as he usually did at the time as he was helping us finding the soldiers, exactly in time to watch his husband being killed right in front of him. The moment I came out of my own shock and realised he had seen everything, it was too late. I think I’ll never forget as he just stood there, paralysed, eyes unfocused, face painted with shock. I’ll never forget how I wasn’t able to utter a single sound because of my own shock. Frozen, incapable of doing anything, scared for the first time in a very long time.

I’d like to think I snapped out of it when Sherlock finally schooled his face and and turned his back to me, walking away saying nothing. But it didn’t happen. I just looked at my little brother’s back, whom husband I basically just killed in front of him, going down the corridor, trying and failing to conceive his faltering steps and his trembling shoulders. But I couldn’t move. 

After that there was only chaos. The mission was a complete and utter failure: not only we lost all our men, but we also became aware that we had to have a mole in our ranks for it to be gone the way it did. We had a lot of work to do, and I couldn't let my thoughts stray from the task I had, the cleaning up and cover-up I had to organize. Or I would have drown in my guilt, and I couldn't let that happen... yet.

At one point Sherlock came back. I’m not sure how long had passed or where he was coming back from, but he came back and claimed that the one on the video wasn’t John. He was certain of it. He was his husband and he could recognize him even with his eyes closed. I admit that the person who was executed was is a fairly bad shape and the grainy-quality video didn’t help in recognizing anyone. So we had it analysed but, according to the experts, they were sure it was the Capitan on that tape. And when we found the actual scene of the execution, there were the remnants of a burned body that matched the Doctor’s. But Sherlock continued to claim it wasn’t him. And I just looked at him with pity and pegged his words as denial, having lost his most important person in this world. 

It didn’t stop him from doing his own researches, though, and so I just waited until he would have accepted the fact that the John was dead. When the day came that Sherlock lost all his hopes, it was also the day he really looked at me with hatred. And, as I stated before, not without reason. He found me guilty and I just took my punishment, while trying to keep the shattered pieces left of my little brother together.

Doctor Watson breathed no more. And the fault was only mine.

Doctor Watson breathed no more. And I was scared that my brother would follow in his steps.

Doctor Watson breathed no more. And it was still him that was actually keeping my brother alive.

Doctor Watson breathed no more... 

...and one day he suddenly breathed again.

Doctor Watson breathed no more. And until now that he has miraculously found his way home, I hadn’t realized I hadn’t either.”

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

Mycroft took a steady breath and stood up. Arranged his clothes, took his umbrella and bid his goodbyes, exiting the room and walking away down a long wooden corridor dimly lit without looking back. He had a brother to see, a soldier to bring back home, and a very long explanation about the whys and hows. About everything. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

__

_On the other chair there was no one._

**Author's Note:**

> Erm... oops? Ok, I know. It’s been like… a year and a half? What can I say… life happened and I never got to write more of this series. Problem was, I really didn’t like what I wrote as a sequel, so I never posted anything even if I said I would have. Then I found this little piece and finished it.
> 
> ANYWAY. I wanted to thank all the people that are still reading and leaving kudos: every notification makes me smile. In particular, I wanted to thank @Astrobutch that happened to be the last one to comment: even if you never got an answer, I still read it and it reminded me how much I liked this series. Sometimes a comment really makes the difference.
> 
> That being said, I’m not sure when but I still plan to continue this series. Please, do not give up on me.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this third part or, at least, hope for that to not have been too disappointing!


End file.
